The journey of becoming a parent to a tiny human being again is beginning to excite and scare me. The truth is, it’s been almost 9 years since my husband and I had a little baby to raise and to care for for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We completely forgot about the sleepless nights, about the constant worrying, about how little and fragile babies are. We knew we wanted to embark on the journey of welcoming a newborn baby into our family, but forgot about the intricacies that come with it. We obviously have done this at least twice before (we have two kids), but it has been a long time since we have changed a diaper so consequently, this situation is bound to give us a little fright.
When we first found out we were pregnant, we were so excited! After all, this is what we have been wanting for a few years now. We wanted to feel the warmth and love that comes with welcoming a new baby into our family. Not to say that our family wasn’t complete the way it was, because it was, but we just want a big family so we were anxiously waiting for the right time to expand our family. This was the time. And we are ready! Or are we?
I am already so in love with my little bundle. I can feel baby moving and it is so surreal. I cannot believe I am lucky enough to go through this wonderful journey again. I am literally growing a tiny human life inside me. I am already its protector, it’s source of love and strength. I am it’s home. With my previous pregnancies, I understood that I was pregnant, but because I was younger, I don’t think I really grasped the severity or the privilege of what that really meant until I held the baby in my arms for the first time. I didn’t fully grasp that I was already a mom even if my baby was growing inside me and not in my arms yet. This time around, I am older and fully comprehend that I am already this baby’s mother so I have to protect it even now. Which means I have to eat healthy, stay active, read to it, talk to it, make sure I stay emotionally healthy because it can feel what I feel. I have learned that as a mother you view yourself with more regard because you have little tiny eyes that look up to you and think the world of you. You want to be the best version of yourself, for them. You want to do the right thing when no one is watching, you want to be compassionate and loving and accepting because you want your babies to learn from you. You want to excel further than you have ever dreamt possible to lay down a path for your kids to follow. It is scary, but so worth it.
And so it begins. My husband surprised me with a stroller travel system for our new baby. I’ve had it in our Amazon check-out cart since we found out I was pregnant. I was hesitant to buy it for many reasons, aside from spending the money for it, the fear of miscarriage, the fear of facing the reality that we are indeed pregnant and will be welcoming a human being into this world! Well my loving husband came home with the exact travel system in the exact color that I wanted after he found it at the local Navy Exchange store. I was literally brought to tears when I saw the big box sitting in our foyer. It was such an overwhelming feeling as it was the first big purchase that we have made towards our new baby. I have bought baby gender neutral outfits, but nothing quite as significant as a stroller/car seat travel system. This box sitting in my foyer made it all real! I realized that I am not just 19 weeks along, I am four months away from giving birth! I am halfway there! Our baby is getting ready to arrive at our doorstep. Needless to say, I allowed the box to remain unopened for a few days. Asking my husband everyday if we should open it or keep it closed just in case God forbid something bad happens and we may have to return it. I know I was being extra paranoid for no reason, but I have been waiting a very long time for this baby and life can sometimes be a mean old hag. The truth is anything can happen during pregnancy, and I finally have a baby in my tummy. I’m just afraid that something is going to strip this dream away from me, from us (my husband and I). So yesterday I finally grew the courage to open the box. My husband has finals next week as has been studying non-stop, but he told me that whenever I was ready to open it, he would build it right away. And so he did. He took a break from studying all day and began building. As he took the car seat out of the box, I instantly began to cry. I had forgotten how little and tiny newborn babies are. I was overfilled with joy! I was just looking down at this car seat thinking that our baby will be protected in this car seat after it exits my womb which has been its main source of protection so far. Opening the box made it so real! It made me realize that this is not the only purchase we have to make and we have so much to do in so little time with a budget!
I am so excited and look forward to welcoming this baby into the world. I will be posting pictures of my belly progression soon but because I’m really petite, I don’t start showing until about 6-7 months of pregnancy. I did however include pictures of the travel system that my husband bought…I love it!