Life is too short. I remember like it was yesterday that I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Only, it was 12 years ago! My baby boy is 12 today! It is the day that I realized that my life was not mine anymore, my life belongs to him. I realized that everything I did or didn’t do was going to be for the benefit of my son. I may have given birth to him, but he gave life to who I am now. In a sense today is my birthday too. 12 years ago, he gave me a light that I never knew I was missing. He made me a mother. Because of him, I learned to love in ways I never thought were possible. He gave me unconditional love. Because of him, I also learned what fear is. I never knew what fear was until the first day I held him in my arms. I remember him getting the hiccups and me feeling so helpless because I couldn’t make them go away. It was then that I realized I am this little person’s caregiver, I am his mother and my job from then until my death was and always will be to protect him from everyone and everything. And let me tell you, that realization was scary! It was then that I learned what fear is. The fear of not being enough to care for him, the fear that I will fail him in any way, the fear of losing him in the supermarket, the fear of every simple cough and fever he’s ever had is nothing like any fear I had ever experienced. It wasn’t just the fear of him getting sick or lost, what I feared most was not being there for him then and in the future. I feared for myself for him. I feared everything (and still kind of do). I went from being a free-spirit, so careless and fearless to completely reserved. It changed my outlook on life and how I had lived it before him. I now lived for him. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. He gave me light, he is my sunshine!
(On a catamaran in Cancun)
(Us in Chichen-Itzá)